Morning Truths, Tea, Brains and Werewolves
My sleep schedule is fucked, it’s always like I’m the last person sleep and the first person awake. Which is pretty annoying at times but then there are mornings like this, where I am sitting with my tea and listening to the sounds of the city and just getting a chance to think when everyone else is still resting. Sometimes I think I’m afraid to have alone time with my thoughts because I begin to face certain truths that I want nothing to do with. For instance, my tea is warm as I begin listening to Fiona Apple’s ‘Werewolf’ and the lyrics: “I could liken you to a werewolf, the way you left me for dead. But I admit that I provided a full moon.” Those words just hit home in a real out of nowhere sort of way. I just remember that every romantic relationship I’ve been in I’ve always come off as the person that was wronged or the victim. While most times I am attracted to venomous people, I could agree with Ms. Apple’s lyrics that I did provide them with the means in order to hurt me and rip that red, pulsating organ from my chest. One part of my brain wants to keep making excuses for my actions, “You were in love. Anyone would have fallen for that horrible trick.” Then the other side of my brain battles back with, “You saw the signs, you just were stupid.” The other half of my brain isn’t so nice and cookie cutting as the nicer more naïve side. I have to agree with my more honest side of my brain in that often I do see glimmers of warning signs but I want to be in love I guess so much that I actually don’t care and just run blindly into love.
There might be a grand plan that my brain is keeping from me because every time I get myself in this situation things end badly.. but I get the most beautiful, dark songs from that tragically fucked up relationship or fling. So in the way the law of attraction works, I’m yearning for and pulling these people towards me like moths to a flame. So in the end I guess I end up with awesome little reminders of that past love. That’s pretty fucked right? I attract this because I want the songs in the end. I told you in the morning I always end up facing truths I want nothing to do with.
Onto happier things, there is band practice today wooooo!! And I’m going to be recording some songs next week sometime so look forward to that. And with that, I am out. Enjoy your day and even if it hurts a bit, it’s fine to realize some ugly truths about yourself. It’s healthy to discover that we aren’t all as innocent and perfect as we like to claim to ourselves, right?